Reversing Low Self Esteem SCRIPT

This client was a woman in her late thirties. She had come through a bad childhood, had suffered several traumatic events in adulthood and had attempted suicide several times. She could not say exactly what she wanted to change, she just felt worthless. She wanted to try hypnosis to make her feel better.

When asked why she did not have a steady relationship she replied

 

'How can anyone love me if I don't love myself?'.

What does 'don't love myself ' mean?

I hate myself. Most of the time.

Why do you hate yourself?

Because I am a failure.

And what does 'failure' mean?

Not being good enough for anything.

Not being good enough?

Being a failure makes me unattractive to myself.

And 'a failure'... what is being 'a failure' like?

Emptiness.

And what is 'emptiness' like?

Failure.

 

Several more rounds of questions produced the same circular answers.

The therapy therefore needed to be more directed, but focused on what the client valued, and what she thought would make her worthwhile. These values were therefore targeted in a multi-part hypnotic metaphor.

There was obvious lack of self esteem, almost self loathing, which meant that any suggestions would be rejected if they were put to her directly. The whole script is therefore based on dissociation - things are happening to someone else who happens to be just like you. The hypnotherapy works because the listener automatically seeks parallels with her own life, and bringing to mind those similarities means she automatically puts the ideas into her own mind.

The following hypnosis transcript shows how her definitions of success were woven into an elaborate set of metaphors and combined with indirect and direct hypnotic suggestion. The client came from a fishing town and knew a lot about the sea, its moods and things that live in the sea, so that was chosen as the main metaphor.

The script is broken into sections but was delivered in one continuous session over about forty five minutes. Note that the word 'hypnosis' is never mentioned, but trance is induced.

 

The script is delivered slowly, with pauses at the ellipses (...) and where specifically indicated. Coloured text does not imply emphasis: it indicates what work the words are doing, or helps to structure the script. The Comments column shows what hypnotic procedure is being used. The Target column identifies the Belief or Cycle Stage being targeted. See the separate table of therapy aiming points for a full explanation.

• Designing a script

 

Target

Dialogue

L

Comments

 

PERSONAL VALUES SECTION

	WHAT DOES SUCCESS MEAN FOR YOU?
	What would the opposite of 'a failure' be?
	A success.
	And success is like what? If you were not a failure, what would you be like?
	Intelligent, successful, wealthy, admired, confident, strong.		THE TARGET VALUES
	So you feel like a failure, and failure makes you unattractive to yourself, and that unattractiveness is like a feeling of emptiness?		Confirming the self image
	Yes.
	And do you feel that emptiness now?
	Yep.
	And how do you know that emptiness is there?		Testing for an affect bridge.
	From the way I feel.		more circular responses

 

INDUCTION SECTION

	You can relax into your mind
	OK,  I want to talk about what emptiness means to you. So just make yourself comfortable... I just want you to relax a bit.... So put both feet on the floor.... and just shrug your shoulders down... and make yourself comfortable....that's good. So are you quite comfortable sitting there?	I	Seeding 'comfortable'
	No, not really....
	mmm... make yourself comfortable	D
	[moves around in the chair]
	That's fine... are you alright now?
	Mmmm.... better
	OK.
	Now just take a breath and let it out..... that's good..... and now take another breath and let it out.... and now just focus on your breathing.... just become aware of the breath going in and out of your body.... that's good..... just become aware of what it's like to relax.... and just focus on.... each gentle breath in and out.... That's good....		Using the parasympathetic response
	and just tell yourself with each breath out... That you are feeling more and more relaxed... more at ease... more comfortable.... That's right....		Self induction
	Now I wonder if you have ever lain down on a hot sunny day... and maybe it was in a park or a garden .... or it could have been on a roof or somewhere.... on a bright day... when you look at the sun with your eyes closed.... somehow you can still see that bright light through your eyelids... and as you lie there remembering that light... and breathing gently... and remembering what it is like to lie on a grassy slope somewhere... and feel the grass under your back and under your legs... and on a warm day you can feel so drowsy... so ready to drift away... and maybe you can imagine lying in a park somewhere.... or a garden.... and I wonder what you would hear... maybe you could hear children playing... people talking.... and the way that their voices can just fade away... like a radio being turned right down... as you lie there... peacefully relaxed.... just feeling yourself supported... and your own weight pressing down.... and maybe there is a gentle breeze.... that just riffles your hair... and a warm sun caressing your face... and your arms....	I	Recall childhood memories invoking sights, sounds, smells, touch
	and as you lie there every muscle can become... limp and loose.... It's so good to just totally relax... just let everything go.... and you might remember back to a time... a simpler time... when you could just relax and enjoy that peace and calm... that's right.... and just think how good it is... to enjoy relaxing... nothing to do... nothing to worry about...		reminder of relaxation
	and maybe you can imagine, or remember, lying on a beach.... just a nice sandy beach somewhere... and no one to bother you... and there can be gentle splashing waves... and in the distance there is the sound of traffic.... and the smell of suncream lotion... And in the sky... there are clouds... and as you watch the clouds drift across.... and the clouds are drifting slowly from one side to the other....		Invoking memories with sound, smell, vision.

 

DEEPENING THE TRANCE SECTION

	RELAX DEEPER AND DEEPER
	And those clouds go down towards the horizon.... and as they go... you watch them.... gently floating...  and you count the clouds going by... and as they go off there are ten left... and then one disappears... and there are nine.... and still the clouds go down and there's eight...  and now there's seven.... and then there's six... and those clouds are drifting gently down...and five... and four... and with each cloud disappearing... you feel more and more relaxed... more at ease.... and three.... and two.... and there's just one cloud left... and you can imagine yourself  in that cloud... being completely surrounded by a lovely warm fleecy cloud... and you can feel yourself... gently supported...... floating, drifting.... just going down and down and down ... inside that cloud... safe and secure... strong....	I	Count down deepener

 

CLOUD METAPHOR SECTION

	You can FEEL your troubles drift away
Capability	And in that cloud you can dream many things...
	You can dream of a girl on a beach... looking at clouds....
	And as she watches the clouds, one particular cloud comes across... and she can see it coming from one side.... and it comes across the sky until it appears to be stationary above her... and as she looks she becomes aware of a connection with that cloud... and she is just lying relaxed... looking at the cloud... she becomes aware that there is a connection between her and the cloud... and as she looks at the cloud... the cloud begins to get darker... and bigger... and she becomes aware that there is energy coming out of her and going up into the cloud.... and she can imagine lines or threads.... connecting the cloud to that girl.... and as she watches... that cloud gets darker still... she becomes aware... that she is feeling lighter and lighter.... that all her worries are just drifting away.... all her concerns are being sucked up into that cloud...
	And as she is lying on that beach.... she feels lighter and younger and happier... because... things she has been worrying about for  a long time are just loosening ... lifting... and detaching.... and she can feel them drifting from her toes... up her legs.... from her fingers... up her arms.... and going up past the shoulders.... and drifting out and away... and still the cloud takes more and more of these things... and the cloud is getting darker... and that girl feels.... so much lighter perhaps.... because she knows it's time to let go... of things that have been there for such a long time... and they can just drift up and up .... and as she lies there... all those things that made her feel out of control are disappearing... and she realises that she has control....	D
Rule	She can control what she wears.... she can control what she eats... she can control what she does second by second and minute by minute... and that control is a matter of choice... that if you choose to believe you have control you have control.... and she is choosing now to take control of herself... she's choosing now what she is going to allow to affect her.... and what things she is rejecting and forgetting .... things from the past that she doesn't need any more... are just loosening and lifting... drifting....	D
	and as she watches more and more things are sucked up... away... just removing themselves.... and the cloud is getting darker and darker		developing the metaphor
	and at last the cloud begins to billow and change shape... and all those things that went into the cloud ... have been transformed... have been changed somehow... and things start coming down from the cloud that are different.... that are valuable... that are useful.... that are attractive... and those things begin to come down and that girl begins to feel herself being filled... being fulfilled.... and at last ... that feeling of emptiness ... that has been there so long ... is beginning to fill up .... and as more and more of those things come back changed from the cloud.... that feeling of emptiness.... that feeling of not being good enough.... begins to shrink...		changing the symbol changes her feelings
	You can destroy the OLD feeling
Capability	and that girl can imagine that feeling of emptiness...  as a picture of some sort .... as a bag or a bucket or something else... and as the cloud transfers more and more of these changed things.... that image of emptiness... begins to shrink.... begins to fade.... and it's changed for ever.... and as she watches.. that image breaks up.... breaks up into smaller images... and smaller pieces still... and that feeling of emptiness is lifted off her... and all those tiny pieces disappear.. and in its place she notices a different feeling growing.... and she realises that she is ready.... ready to change... she is ready to take control of her life... of what she does... what she wears... what she eats... and what she thinks about... about herself		Metaphor modelling: destroy the mental picture of the problem

 

PARTS THERAPY SECTION

	You can REMEMBER SUCCESS
Identity	And she can see herself reflected in that cloud... and she sees a woman who is beautiful inside.... a woman whose inner beauty shines out.... a woman who is attractive.... attractive to men... and attractive to women.... and she can see herself and she is attractive and she realises that she is attractive to herself... she is....	D	Reverse her self assessment
capability	Because she can see beneath the skin... beneath the bones.... right inside... in that reflection.... she can see that beautiful little girl... that little girl who is full of hope and joy... that little girl who loved everyone without reservation... who gave love... who felt love... and felt loved.... who wanted love... who deserved love... that little girl is still there...	>
capability	And as she watches.... that little girl is also growing and changing.... and that little girl begins to fill out.... and that little girl grows.... and as she grows.... that image of her cracks and splits and she steps out of the old picture.... just like a lobster in the sea shrugs out of its old shell... as she grows she sheds the old shell and replaces it with a shiny strong new shell.... and the old shell with all its dents and blemishes... is swept away... all those things that happened that aren't important any more.... an empty restriction that she has outgrown....		Metaphor of lobster shedding scales = old feelings
Identity	And that girl on the beach can see how that little girl grows and changes.... and become strong and smart... and determined... and as she changes and grows... constantly she is shedding the old battered shell and replacing it with a new smooth shiny one...  and she is changing and growing inside that girl on the beach.... growing up... growing strong... and she is filling the last little bits  emptiness that was there... that beautiful loving little girl.... is now growing stronger and firmer... and completely filling that emptiness...
Actions	And as that emptiness is filled that girl on the beach... realises that things have changed.... that she doesn't have to feel empty any more... that that picture broke up.... those images have been shattered... like a mirror that can no longer hold an old idea...		Metaphor: old ways shattered, can not be put back
Identity	And all that old stuff... the broken pieces... just gets taken up into the cloud... and she sees herself reflected in the cloud.... a loving attractive little girl peeping out  laughing inside an attractive woman.... and as she sees herself she sees that little girl... who has now grown up... and has taken her rightful place... where she belongs... and brought with her all that fun and curiosity and ambition and strength and that boundless sense of the possible that children have in them....		Reframing, association

 

REGRESSION SECTION

	YOU CAN FORGET ALL THE BAD STUFF
	And that cloud just continues to suck up all that old feeling.... all that old stuff... all the hurts and knocks... all the anger and bitterness and sarcasm... just like the lobster sheds its skin... all that debris has been sucked up.... away....
Capability	and as she watches... that girl on the beach sees it going into the cloud... and then the connection gets thinner and thinner.... and breaks... and as it breaks the cloud begins to drift away.... that dark angry cloud... flashes of lightening in it... and a rumbling... like people arguing... as it drifts away... and that cloud begins to drift over the sea ... and the winds blow it ... and it drifts on and on... further and further.... and it gets smaller... and that grumbling and the noise and the flashing and boiling.... gets smaller until you can't hear it any more... you can't see it... it fades into the distance...		people arguing = family problems amnesia, can't see, can't hear it.
	and the cloud continues to drift far out to sea.... and it gets as far as the horizon... and still the cloud moves on... getting smaller and smaller... and it passes over the horizon and out of sight.... and that cloud begins to get mixed with the air currents far away... and is forced to change.. and suddenly the cloud opens... dumps all its contents into the sea... and that rain mixes... dilutes... with the vast oceans and is no more.... gone completely... carried away by the currents... and far away....		Get rid of old metaphoric symbols for ever
	the next day... a bright new sun shines on an ocean where it once rained.... but the ocean has no memory..		introduce new symbol = light
	YOU CAN BE DIFFERENT
Capability	And that girl on the beach... lying there... filled... and she can begin to enjoy that happiness that she is due... happiness that is owed to her.... she can really begin to change.... and as she lies there she can feel that change.. she can feel it spreading... and maybe it is coming from the forehead and down the cheeks... and down the neck and spreading and spreading... warming and relaxing.... comfortable.. become aware of certain things in her body... the feeling of certainty... the feeling of taking back control.... the feeling of choices		Suggest physical change = emotional change
Identity	And that girl on the beach... is intelligent... and successful... and is on the way to being wealthy... and she is admired because she is confident... and strong... and she is all these things... and that feeling .... that old feeling has gone for ever... because she has been filled by the spirit of that little girl... her bright sparkling intelligence... and her sense of wonder... of limitless possibilities... looking forward to life... and changing... always changing...	D >	Values
Capability	and that girl on the beach can remember all that.. and is remembering it now... and it makes a difference... as if a bright memory has swallowed up the dark one...	D	Metaphor Modelling
	she gets in touch with that bright memory as it fills her completely... like a light shining into dark corners... showing that there is nothing there now.... and as she looks around her body... her brain...her chest.... her stomach... there's no room left for darkness... for emptiness... that cloud took it away... and replaced it with something like a bright sun... banishing the dark forever... so now she feels that she can do anything... take control...	>	Developing the Light symbol to replace the dark.
Identity	And that girl on the beach knows that she is good enough for anything... she knows that no matter what happens in life she can use it to take control.... and succeed on her terms... she can become wealthy and confident and strong... and because of that she is admired...she knows that... she accepts that .... and she knows that because she feels lighted... and all that stuff's shrunk and evaporated...		lighted: confusion

 

SEA SHELL METAPHOR SECTION

	You CAN DISCARD the past
	and that girl on the beach begins to think back over her life... begins to think back to what was good .... and what was not so good... and she spends some time... as much time as she needs.... because she has lots of time.... and she takes each of these things from her past .... and she examines them... turns them over... like shells on the beach... you pick them up... you look at it.. and decide whether you want to keep it .... or not.		Metaphor: shells = life events
	And the ugly shells, the broken shells, the damaged shells.... they are just thrown to one side... but the good shells, the well formed shells, the polished ones... the happy ones... those shells... well she gathers them beside her... and gradually she works her way through all the shells.... and she keeps the good ones beside her... and she throws the broken, the diseased, the ugly, the angry and pointless... all of those she throws down the beach... and she can see them tumbling... rolling down the beach away from her.... and she watches... she works through all those shells...		Discarding bad memories
	and the day wears on ... and as the sun get lower... and the tide begins to come in .... and the tide is lapping at the edge of the beach... and the waves begin to pick up those ugly broken shells ... and it rolls them around... and it rolls them this way and that... back and forward in the surf... and as they roll they get broken... they break down into tiny tiny bits and those little bits get rounded and smoothed... and they begin to mix with the sand on the shore... and the little round pebbles...and those pebbles.... will just grind away some more.... and all those ugly broken  shells get broken down and recycled....		destroying bad memories symbolically
	and as the day wears on the tide comes in... more and more of those old shells get broken up... but you know what? As they get broken up they turn into beautiful sand. Beautiful smooth polished sand. And when you think of it... so what makes a beach attractive is all the old stuff that has been rolled around and worn away... by time and tide...		A beautiful life emerges from processing bad memories
	and the tide begins to pile the sand and swish it this way and that... and there are ripples on the bottom....like the memory of waves passing and fading...		memories can pass
Capability	And the tide begins to come up the shore and still the girl lies there... happy... content... having sorted through so much... she is ready to go on... and so she gathers all the beautiful perfect shells .. she puts them in a bag... she looks through them... counts them... feels the smooth shiny surface in her fingers... and there are hundreds... each one a masterpiece... a miracle of nature... and some of them are white and some of them are brown.... and many of them glow with wonderful shimmering colours... and she holds them up to the light and the sunlight glances off them... and maybe they reflect yesterday's rainbows... and some she can hold up to her ear and hear the far off sea and waves falling on distant shores.... washing gently on other beaches far away... and it is as if those waves are washing away her problems... like those discarded old shells... washed away and broken up.		good memories reinforce destruction of bad memories

 

REHEARSING THE FUTURE SECTION

	You CAN HAVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT
	And so she puts all her shells in the bag ... and gathers it up... and she stands up... and brushes the sand off her... and takes the bag with her... and her belongings... and starts up away from the beach...		Visualise all the things she equates with success.
Identity	She gets to the edge of the beach and there is a road there. And in the road there are cars... there's a Mercedes.... and a Lexus.... and four wheel drive... and she looks at the number plate...and they all have her name on them...		WEALTH
	And she walks across the road... there's the driveway.... leading up to a house...and it's her house.... and in the driveway she stops and looks in the mail box.... and it's full of letters... addressed to her.... from admirers... and there are offers...and there are orders... and there are cheques.... money orders... all for that girl's business...		ADMIRED
	And she walks up the drive and into her beautiful house... and she steps into the kitchen... and there is a chef there... a beautiful meal waiting ... and a maid... and they serve her this beautiful meal... and wine... and she sits there...and there are contracts to sign.... and other stuff to do...and she looks out the window at the beautiful garden... a long expanse of grass and plants and flowers... exactly the way she wants it... and the gardener stops his work and waves and carries on.... and she finishes her meal... thanks the staff...and dismisses them....and walks into the living room... there's a gigantic screen... and beautiful paintings on the wall... and there's the telephone...and there's messages winking... and there are messages from people all over the world... who need to speak to her... and she just dismisses them because she has control over her life.... she has control of her finances... and she looks out the front window at that huge expanse of lawn... and the playground... and knowing all that makes her feel good...	>	MATERIAL SUCCESS playground = children?
	And finally she goes up stairs and she throws off her clothes... and opens the walk in wardrobe... and there are hundreds and hundreds of racks... clothes and shoes... and there is a mirror there with make up and she looks at herself...  and behind her there are those hundreds of outfits.... and she just smiles to the mirror... that little secret smile she has...like a little girls is peeping through... that little smile that lets her know that deep down inside is the source of that attractiveness.... that feeling of wholeness.... completeness,.... fulfillment...		CONFIDENT
	and she thinks back to how she got all this... and how it all happened one day when she realised that all she had to do was to let go of some things... and decide to be in control. From that day ... she was in control... of herself... And being in control of herself made her in control of everything.		STRONG
Rule	How it all just follows on from that.	D
Identity	And she got everything she wanted. Everywhere she goes... people see... she's intelligent... successful... wealthy and admired.... and confident... and strong. And she is all those things... isn't she?		INTELLIGENT
Capability	And she realised all she had to do was take them.	D

 

DREAM SUCCESS SECTION

	You are a success
Capability	So with  a last look in the mirror that beautifully groomed elegant woman ... she closes the sliding doors and steps into her bedroom... there's a beautiful bed... warm and welcoming and comforting... and she slips off her stuff and slides into that bed... snuggles down... and as she lies there she drifts away to sleep.... she just drifts off... and every night that little girl comes to visit her... and fills her with strength and determination.... and that boundless enthusiasm...		Post hypnotic suggestion
	And I wonder what that woman dreams of?		Dissociation
Rule	Dreams have a way of becoming true...	I
Capability	And that woman dreams of success... and she remembers all the times in her life when she was in control... when she felt good... every night she reminds herself of all those good times... over and over.... remembering when she felt right with the world... and she sees the world as a bright place...	D	'light' symbol
Identity	and she knows her own value...and that inner beauty follows her everywhere... it gives her strength and confidence... and the wealth that they don't keep in banks... and the success that is not measured in money... and intelligence which is above education...		Reframe her current deficits
Identity	And so [clientname] you can join that woman as she dreams her dreams of success and control... and you can connect back to all the parts of your life.... where you have control... and you have success.... and you recall the times when you felt wealthy and strong... and you can take those lessons... now... and bring them into your life... now.	D	Associate the client into the idealized version of herself
Capability	And you can weave those together... into a plan...like a plant... with roots and leaves and stems that can grow in this direction or that, always growing up toward the light. And knowing that.... what ever happens ... you will be supported... you will be admired for planting that seed...		seed = change, plant + light = growth

 

REORIENTATION SECTION

	You CAN MAKE these changes NOW
Capability	So you and that woman can dream successfully... and enjoy that feeling you get when you decide what things to keep and what to throw away... and you can enjoy that for as long as you want... and when you have thrown away what needs to be ...  remember all the good things... take as long as you like... as long as you need to start to change for ever...		bind: you are starting to change
	when you have done all that....you can imagine that woman waking up... and you can waken up and come back to the present.... feeling good... feeling again that inner beauty...	I	waking up = you are beautiful
	So start that now... you can waken up when she wakens up .... feeling really good ... whenever you want.	I	ambiguity: waking up anytime or feeling good anytime?

 

 

David Mason www.hypknowsis.com © 2007

 

 

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