The man who thinks he can, and the man who thinks he can't, are both right. Your greatest limitations are not external: your greatest limitations are the beliefs you hold about yourself.

 

Self limiting Beliefs

People of all times and cultures keep coming up with the same limiting beliefs. Some of the common ones are listed below but the human mind is endlessly inventive so there are plenty more. How many times have you heard people say these things?

 

I don't have enough time.

I'm not clever enough.

I don't know enough.

I'm too young. I'm too old. I'm too...

I've got too many responsibilities.

I could do it if it weren't for my back, my location, my accent,.......

I would do it, but I've got (no confidence, unhappy childhood, weak personality, bad memory,...)

I will do it as soon as (my bills are cleared, my son leaves school, I get a car, the economy turns, the weather improves...)

Nobody has ever...

I can't afford it.

I don't know how.

What if I fail?

Everyone will laugh at me if I start.

I haven't got anyone to help me.

 

And the most dangerous of all....

I don't know what I want.

 

FUNDAMENTAL CAUSES

PERSONAL SELF ESTEEM ISSUES

I don't deserve it

The fundamental belief is that "I am a nobody". Nobodies don't deserve the promotion, the pretty girl, the day out ....whatever. Many people believe this about some aspect of themselves. They may be good at business but cannot allow themselves to succeed in relationships, or sport or some other area of life.

There's no point

"Nothing will change, I will still be me". The belief is that no matter what happens 'me' cannot change and will always be inadequate.

I've got this secret flaw

A belief that some aspect of their physical attributes (My nose is bent, I'm too fat,) or their history (I once did this thing and....) or their mental attitude (I would just die if I had to give a speech....) can never be changed and is the reason holding them back. No one has every skill they need but this should not be allowed to prevent trying. The 'not .... enough' excuse is a wonderful way of prevaricating.

 

FEAR OF BEING JUDGED

I'm not good enough

Many people fail in relationships because at the first sign of trouble they leave. The basic thinking is 'I am going to reject you before you can reject me. I know you will reject me sooner or later because I am faulty. So I might as well push you away first and not have to suffer the pain of another rejection'.

Everyone is looking at me

This belief is a fear of being exposed and found wanting. Many people believe that others are constantly watching and judging, that every part of them is subject to merciless scrutiny. This fear stops them doing anything that might bring them to public attention.

 

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

Staying away from the unknown is a good way of staying safe. However, this core protective mechanism can keep people stuck when applied at the wrong time and place.

Fear of failure

A reluctance to try anything new can develop into a refusal to do anything at all. "I would make mistakes".

Fear of success

The opposite of 'fear of failure', this is actually very common. "How would I manage twenty staff?", "I would have to go to cocktail parties","People would ask me what to do".

 

 

The problem with limiting beliefs is that your mind will work tirelessly to make sure that they come true.

 

Psychological research has shown that selective perception is a fundamental human defence tool. People do not easily change their theories, assumptions, expectations and impressions even when evidence contradicts them. Once a mental decision has been made, it tends to persist even in the face of contradictory information. This is especially true if the person has given themself a cause and effect type explanation of how the information they have justifies the belief they hold. The simple process of explaining to yourself or to someone else why you believe what you do has the unexpected consequence of making you even more sure of your belief, and makes you more likely to reject any information that discredits that theory, belief or attitude. So challenging a belief and making you justify why you think that way actually affirms that belief and makes it harder to change. In fact studies have shown that when a person is offered information that discredits their beliefs or attitudes, in order to evaluate that information they have to first recall their belief and examine it, which has the effect of reinforcing the belief.

It has been shown that people under stress protect themselves by dimming awareness of new information. This process creates a blind spot, a zone of self deception and blocked attention so that new information just does not register.

This does not mean that beliefs cannot be changed. It means that before new beliefs can be taken up the person has to put themselves into a receptive state and the new information needs to be presented that exceeds some threshold value. When the new information is sufficiently different or compelling the person will automatically reassess their existing beliefs and incorporate the new information to create a different belief.

Key Beliefs for success

There are several key beliefs that will carry you a long way towards success.

You already have all the resources you need to succeed:

Every human being is born with the right tools to succeed in life. Other people, accidentally or on purpose, create the conditions for failure. You carry within you all your life exactly what you need to succeed at anything you want. You are exactly smart enough, tall enough, healthy enough, whatever enough.... to go and take what you want from life.

 

If it's difficult, you're doing it wrong:

Apply this very simple rule to everything you do. If it is difficult you're not doing it right: find another way of doing it. You will immediately know when you are doing things the right way because it will be easy.

 

There is no failure; only feedback:

When you fail at something, there is only one meaning to take from it. There is no success without failure. The only thing that failure tells you is that you are not doing it right. Failure says nothing about you, only about how you went about things. After each failure, ask yourself what you learned from it and change how you go about it.

 

What the thinker thinks, the prover proves :

Your mind is programmed to act according to your beliefs. If you believe that the world is full of nice people, you will mostly find nice people. If you believe the world is full of cheats and liars, you will see them everywhere. Your mind filters all incoming signals and matches them to internal models of the world. Your mind will change the signal to match the model. If you think the world is against you, then a part of your mind will prove this in every situation by deleting any incoming information that does not fit with this theory, or will distort it so that its meaning changes. In a sense, you create your own world, your own reality.

So if you want to be a success, then think about success all the time, and your prover will prove you are success by changing your behaviour and your perceptions to suit what your are thinking.

 

People always make the best choices open to them:

When a person does any behaviour, no matter how strange or destructive it might seem to others, they are actually operating rationally, choosing the best option they believe is available to them. There is no point in blaming other people or even yourself. Their problem is that they don't have enough choices of ways of behaving in a given situation. If they knew a more successful way of behaving they would do it. Therapy consists of enabling people to discover more options.

 

The solution is more important than the cause:

Spending time on finding out what underlies a particular problem is seldom as valuable as learning how to prevent it happening and how to deal with the consequences. Focus on the solution to your problem, not its roots. When a forest fire is raging, and planes are dropping water bombs and people are fleeing burning homes, there is no point in trying to find the match that started it.

 

Even the longest journey starts with a single step:

There is no problem that cannot be broken down into manageable steps. Even if your problem seems daunting, you can make a start on it if you choose to divide the problem into small achievable stages.

 

It is only too late if you don't start today:

Inertia is the most certain way to waste a life. While there is no guarantee that you will achieve what you aim for, there is an absolute guarantee that you will not achieve anything if you don't try for anything.

 

Ninety percent of success is turning up:

Making a start on something, anything, sets in motion a whole universe of change, where resources appear, doors open, links are made. To a large extent, you create your own success. So start now.

 

 

So what is stopping you from achieving your goals?

 

 

To change your beliefs you can use

• Affirmations
• Goal Setting
• Visualisation